I started my new job this week, I'm the youngest person there by about 15 years (and that's being nice). So of course as the new girl I get bombarded in the first few days with personal questions, and then get to hear everyone elses. But something one of the older ladies said stuck me, and I still haven't decide how I feel about it.
The first morning I was there the woman training me noticed my wedding rings.
She goes "Oh, you're married?"
I say "Yeah for a little over 2 years now."
She smirks and says "wait til the honeymoon stage wears off."
At the time I just smiled and nodded, I mean what the hell do I know compared to a woman who's been married almost 50 years. In the past week though this conversation keeps popping back into my brain. I mean this woman doesn't even know me and she's telling me to wait for my marriage to go to hell.
As you know we never really had a "honeymoon stage", we did everything so fast there could never have been anything but honesty between us. I really started to think about what that could possibly mean since I am pretty sure I didn't experience it. I mean I get it theoretically, it's the time in a relationship when the "shine" wears off, but we never had a shine per-say.
Further thought lead me to think that perhaps more than anything else the "honeymoon" is more of a state of mind. As long as you put the effort into your marriage then the honeymoon will never end. We take time every day to make each other smile, to hug and kiss, to make jokes. Just last night we were up til midnight having tickle fights. After sleeping in the same bed together for 3 years, after getting married and having a baby, we still have tickle fights at least a few nights a week. We ask each other some times if we'll always be this way, and without real thought the other always answers "YES".
We make time to for our relationship, we put all other things aside and simply LOVE each other. We decided when I was pregnant to never let the baby ruin OUR relationship. I think a lot of people forget that, yes she is the most important thing in the world to both of us, but then we are each others second. So one kid or seven kids we will ALWAYS make time for each other and for simple things like late night tickle.
So I guess the "honeymoon" is a personal choice between spouses, as for me and mine ours will never end.
Stay Tuned
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Unplugged
24 hours ago I logged off facebook. I deleted the app from my phone and this is the first time I've turned my computer on since my last post. I feel like I can admit that I have an addiction to social media. Not that I post or am active much I am constantly nosing around other peoples posts.
Last night after having a "religious" argument and almost starting a political fight I decided that it would be easier to remove myself from the internet than deleting the majority of my "friends list". I am hoping I can stay away til after the holidays, but as it is now day two I am feeling the strain. Like any habit this just needs to be broken and once I get past it I hope I can return only marginally.
I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I seriously feel that if you're going to put your thoughts out on a public media you should at least do a little research so you don't look like a pompous idiot. Yes the government as gone full moron, and celebrities die or put their foot in their mouths JUST LIKE EVERY HUMAN! Nothing you say on social media is going to make a difference! If you seriously want to make a change get out from behind your laptop and do something! As for the people who start arguments simply for arguments sake, GET A LIFE. If you honestly have nothing better to do than start political/religious/life choice fights on FB then I am very sad that you have such an empty life.
As you can probably tell even after 36 hours I'm still a little heated about it all...
I didn't delete my page or announce that I was taking a break, I simply logged off. I guess we'll see if anyone notices.
Luckily I am going back to work next week, so I'll have something better to do than check facebook every few minutes.Oh yeah! I finally got hired!! I start Monday after postponing a week to find childcare. Luckily we've found a lovely woman who genuinely likes what she does and loves all the kids she already has. So here's hoping and praying everything works out well.
Stay Tuned and wish me the best!!!
Last night after having a "religious" argument and almost starting a political fight I decided that it would be easier to remove myself from the internet than deleting the majority of my "friends list". I am hoping I can stay away til after the holidays, but as it is now day two I am feeling the strain. Like any habit this just needs to be broken and once I get past it I hope I can return only marginally.
I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I seriously feel that if you're going to put your thoughts out on a public media you should at least do a little research so you don't look like a pompous idiot. Yes the government as gone full moron, and celebrities die or put their foot in their mouths JUST LIKE EVERY HUMAN! Nothing you say on social media is going to make a difference! If you seriously want to make a change get out from behind your laptop and do something! As for the people who start arguments simply for arguments sake, GET A LIFE. If you honestly have nothing better to do than start political/religious/life choice fights on FB then I am very sad that you have such an empty life.
As you can probably tell even after 36 hours I'm still a little heated about it all...
I didn't delete my page or announce that I was taking a break, I simply logged off. I guess we'll see if anyone notices.
Luckily I am going back to work next week, so I'll have something better to do than check facebook every few minutes.Oh yeah! I finally got hired!! I start Monday after postponing a week to find childcare. Luckily we've found a lovely woman who genuinely likes what she does and loves all the kids she already has. So here's hoping and praying everything works out well.
Stay Tuned and wish me the best!!!
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Man that kid made fucking up look cool...
Older, wiser people refer to the teen through early twenty years as the "Young and Dumb" years. Which is ironic considering the people in that group think they know absolutely everything. But I think that's why they're dumb. It takes years to get past that mind set, and some people never really do.
I've been there, and in a lot of ways I'm still there. I am quick to give advice and to hard headed to accept it when I need it. The most honest piece of advice I ever received that I would pass on is, keep your eyes open, and don't let emotion cloud your judgement. The minute you hear yourself say "but I love him/her." You're probably doing the wrong thing. 99 times out of 100 your heart is wrong! Sorry but it is. The minute your head heart and gut aren't all on the same page you have a problem.
No one wants to hear that though. Every girl wants to believe her life is a real love story, and every boy only sees as far as next weekend. I'm not saying the stuff from the great love stories and songs doesn't happen, but they are the exception NOT the norm. I know that's big talk coming from me of all people, but that doesn't mean it's not true.
This is really not how I first intended this post to go, but I'm on a roll now. I have been in a lot of bad relationships and lost a lot along the way. Part of me feels like that is why I give good advice because I've already done it the wrong way at lease twice. When you start to sacrifice your beliefs and your principals it's time to go. People will tell you til they're blue in the face that love is worth fighting for, and yes it is but that doesn't mean it is a constant battle! That kind of relationship is not love. That is fire and gasoline. While it may be fun for a time with all the anger and passion and love making, at the end of the day you're trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and it never ends well.
Love is all the things people say it is and isn't. You still need to apologize, and you'll still be jealous and resentful at times. Real love is stronger and deeper than all of those feelings combined. Real love is a force to be reckoned with , it can do amazing things. It can't however put food on the table and pay the bills. Love is the greatest of contradictions, without it nothing seems worthwhile, but it is definitely not ALL you need. Each couples love is their own, but there are lines that are not to be crossed. It's not about having someone who "needs" you, if your partner can't take care of themselves they are in no position to be in a relationship. Your true partner is the person who makes you a better YOU, and vice versa.
Young love is far less likely to succeed, especially in today's world. Love and relationships are constant work. You can't expect to lock eyes across a crowded room and be set for life. It really doesn't work like that. You need to fall in love with the same person every day, and that is no easy feat. You need to constantly compromise, and go out of your way to make the other person smile. It takes effort.
My generation as a whole is very young and dumb, for every one that actually has their head on straight there is at least four others who are complete messes. Saying I'm a little nervous to see what the future holds is a gross understatement. I guess we'll find out together...
Stay Tuned
I've been there, and in a lot of ways I'm still there. I am quick to give advice and to hard headed to accept it when I need it. The most honest piece of advice I ever received that I would pass on is, keep your eyes open, and don't let emotion cloud your judgement. The minute you hear yourself say "but I love him/her." You're probably doing the wrong thing. 99 times out of 100 your heart is wrong! Sorry but it is. The minute your head heart and gut aren't all on the same page you have a problem.
No one wants to hear that though. Every girl wants to believe her life is a real love story, and every boy only sees as far as next weekend. I'm not saying the stuff from the great love stories and songs doesn't happen, but they are the exception NOT the norm. I know that's big talk coming from me of all people, but that doesn't mean it's not true.
This is really not how I first intended this post to go, but I'm on a roll now. I have been in a lot of bad relationships and lost a lot along the way. Part of me feels like that is why I give good advice because I've already done it the wrong way at lease twice. When you start to sacrifice your beliefs and your principals it's time to go. People will tell you til they're blue in the face that love is worth fighting for, and yes it is but that doesn't mean it is a constant battle! That kind of relationship is not love. That is fire and gasoline. While it may be fun for a time with all the anger and passion and love making, at the end of the day you're trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and it never ends well.
Love is all the things people say it is and isn't. You still need to apologize, and you'll still be jealous and resentful at times. Real love is stronger and deeper than all of those feelings combined. Real love is a force to be reckoned with , it can do amazing things. It can't however put food on the table and pay the bills. Love is the greatest of contradictions, without it nothing seems worthwhile, but it is definitely not ALL you need. Each couples love is their own, but there are lines that are not to be crossed. It's not about having someone who "needs" you, if your partner can't take care of themselves they are in no position to be in a relationship. Your true partner is the person who makes you a better YOU, and vice versa.
Young love is far less likely to succeed, especially in today's world. Love and relationships are constant work. You can't expect to lock eyes across a crowded room and be set for life. It really doesn't work like that. You need to fall in love with the same person every day, and that is no easy feat. You need to constantly compromise, and go out of your way to make the other person smile. It takes effort.
My generation as a whole is very young and dumb, for every one that actually has their head on straight there is at least four others who are complete messes. Saying I'm a little nervous to see what the future holds is a gross understatement. I guess we'll find out together...
Stay Tuned
Friday, December 6, 2013
Where did all the good shows go??
When I was a teenager TV started to change, and I didn't like it, now as a Mom I like it less. I feel the need to write to these children channels, or perhaps there should just be a new channel with all the good old shows.
I mean honestly who among us doesn't any and a versions of "The Muppets", or "Winnie the Pooh" or "Fraggle Rock", or "Eurika's Castle", or "School House Rock". I could go on and on with all the awesome shows they no longer play but that would be boring.
I'm not asking that they re-make them just simply bring them back, replay them for a new generation. I don't know how many people out there actually watch the kids show that are on theses days, but as I S.A.H.M. I watch quite often and I am not impressed. I won't get into specific shows, but in general, I don't approve of the lessons many teach or the ways they go about it. I also believe many lessons have to be lived not seen on television.
I remember watching shows with my mom and brother that were the same ones she watched with her mother at our age. That is such a strong connection there from a childs point of view, I mean how cool is that! It's like your time traveling with your family, laughing at the same jokes and sharing stories from days gone by.
I would love to sit with my daughter on my lap and say "Mommy used to love this show" and not be watching DVDs IF I were lucky enough to find them.
With all the things going to hell in this world and especially this country, the way children are being raised these days is not helping anything. I am 24 I was spanked, I played outside, I didn't wear a helmet, and hose water was the best water ever! I turned out fine, I have a nice home and a beautiful family. I have a good work ethic and I don't go to pieces when things don't go my way, how much of that can be said about most kids these days?
"The world is at her best ya know, when people love and care..." Kermit the Frog, Muppets Christmas Carrol.
Stay tuned
I mean honestly who among us doesn't any and a versions of "The Muppets", or "Winnie the Pooh" or "Fraggle Rock", or "Eurika's Castle", or "School House Rock". I could go on and on with all the awesome shows they no longer play but that would be boring.
I'm not asking that they re-make them just simply bring them back, replay them for a new generation. I don't know how many people out there actually watch the kids show that are on theses days, but as I S.A.H.M. I watch quite often and I am not impressed. I won't get into specific shows, but in general, I don't approve of the lessons many teach or the ways they go about it. I also believe many lessons have to be lived not seen on television.
I remember watching shows with my mom and brother that were the same ones she watched with her mother at our age. That is such a strong connection there from a childs point of view, I mean how cool is that! It's like your time traveling with your family, laughing at the same jokes and sharing stories from days gone by.
I would love to sit with my daughter on my lap and say "Mommy used to love this show" and not be watching DVDs IF I were lucky enough to find them.
With all the things going to hell in this world and especially this country, the way children are being raised these days is not helping anything. I am 24 I was spanked, I played outside, I didn't wear a helmet, and hose water was the best water ever! I turned out fine, I have a nice home and a beautiful family. I have a good work ethic and I don't go to pieces when things don't go my way, how much of that can be said about most kids these days?
"The world is at her best ya know, when people love and care..." Kermit the Frog, Muppets Christmas Carrol.
Stay tuned
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
"Friends"
I have to say, growing up I was always a little different. I wasn't the weird kid but I wasn't "cool" either. I saw myself as a social butterfly. I had friends all over but no best friends and no one I could call after school to hang out with.
I was cool enough to go to all the birthday parties and sleepovers, but I spent most of my summers laying on the couch watching t.v. alone. I didn't have constant friends until middle school, and even then I wasn't myself and had to put up with a lot of cruelty to be "accepted". I did a lot of things I didn't want to, and participated in acts I didn't agree with all in the name of friendship.
I had one friend in high school for a short period who I could be myself with. The first night we met we stayed up til like 5 a.m. talking. To this day we are still friends but we live a couple thousand miles apart and have families of our own so we don't talk much, but I could call her if I needed to.
I did have a really good group of guys friends that I hung around with, but we weren't always on the same page. Quiet often though they were the only ones there for me when I needed them. Sadly though some crazy times we all separated like a lot of childhood friends do.
So after years of failed relationships and a lot of loneliness, I was graciously accepted by an amazing family. I become the person I wanted to be with their help, and I met my absolute best friend through them.
While now I have a big beautiful family I still don't have m(any) friends, but that's ok with me. I have the best friend I could ever find in my husband, and our kid is pretty awesome. I have all my family when I need them and I am working my way back to God. Honestly what more could I ask for? I'm just a little sad it took me so long to be realize I was fine on my own.
Stay Tuned
I was cool enough to go to all the birthday parties and sleepovers, but I spent most of my summers laying on the couch watching t.v. alone. I didn't have constant friends until middle school, and even then I wasn't myself and had to put up with a lot of cruelty to be "accepted". I did a lot of things I didn't want to, and participated in acts I didn't agree with all in the name of friendship.
I had one friend in high school for a short period who I could be myself with. The first night we met we stayed up til like 5 a.m. talking. To this day we are still friends but we live a couple thousand miles apart and have families of our own so we don't talk much, but I could call her if I needed to.
I did have a really good group of guys friends that I hung around with, but we weren't always on the same page. Quiet often though they were the only ones there for me when I needed them. Sadly though some crazy times we all separated like a lot of childhood friends do.
So after years of failed relationships and a lot of loneliness, I was graciously accepted by an amazing family. I become the person I wanted to be with their help, and I met my absolute best friend through them.
While now I have a big beautiful family I still don't have m(any) friends, but that's ok with me. I have the best friend I could ever find in my husband, and our kid is pretty awesome. I have all my family when I need them and I am working my way back to God. Honestly what more could I ask for? I'm just a little sad it took me so long to be realize I was fine on my own.
Stay Tuned
Monday, November 18, 2013
I'm all over the world!
So I was looking through my blog activity and I found something new to me. There's an "audience" page that lets you see where in the world your page has been viewed. I have to admit it's pretty awesome to know that people all over the planet have seen my blog. They might not "follow" me but they have seen it, and THAT is a really powerful feeling.
I have what I thought was a small "fan base" mostly family and friends. I have been up and writing for 6 months now and still only have about 1250 pages views over all. That never bothered me as I've said before I do this for me, and if I help someone in the process then YAY.
Today however completely changed my views. I mean it's kind of a big deal that out of 1250 views 130 or so came from RUSSIA!! It would appear that I have followers all over!! There's been about 50 veiws from Germany, 25 from the Netherlands!!
Now as far as I can tell I don't know if I have international "followers" per-say. I can't if they don't attach themselves as followers I can't see them. I would really really hope that at least a few of them became fans and "stay tuned", but just knowing I've been seen is really huge!
Of course I am so grateful to anyone has takes the time to read what I have to say especially since I can get a little long winded at time :). I guess I never really thought what I had to say would be very interesting, so the idea that it's being translated and read elsewhere is really astounding to me!!
I want to thank ALL of my readers!! honestly without you I probably would have stopped writing a long time ago!
Thank you all so much!!
Stay Tuned!!
I have what I thought was a small "fan base" mostly family and friends. I have been up and writing for 6 months now and still only have about 1250 pages views over all. That never bothered me as I've said before I do this for me, and if I help someone in the process then YAY.
Today however completely changed my views. I mean it's kind of a big deal that out of 1250 views 130 or so came from RUSSIA!! It would appear that I have followers all over!! There's been about 50 veiws from Germany, 25 from the Netherlands!!
Now as far as I can tell I don't know if I have international "followers" per-say. I can't if they don't attach themselves as followers I can't see them. I would really really hope that at least a few of them became fans and "stay tuned", but just knowing I've been seen is really huge!
Of course I am so grateful to anyone has takes the time to read what I have to say especially since I can get a little long winded at time :). I guess I never really thought what I had to say would be very interesting, so the idea that it's being translated and read elsewhere is really astounding to me!!
I want to thank ALL of my readers!! honestly without you I probably would have stopped writing a long time ago!
Thank you all so much!!
Stay Tuned!!
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Torn....(This one's a rambler)
I know it's my own fault for sharing my blog. I have followers now that I never intended to have... Not that I mind obviously I shared my writing for people to read but now I feel like I have to watch what I say and that bothers me.
I started this blog so I could be totally honest and get everything without "blowing up" in real life. This was a place for me to air my thoughts and feelings, to clear my head enough to be able to think things through. Now though I have family and friends who read almost all I have to say(again I'm not complaining about that).
I have seriously considered starting a new blog under a pseudo-name, but that goes against the reason I started this one and the way I'm trying to live my life. Normally my philosophy is if I wouldn't call everyone on my friends list and tell them whatever I'm thinking, then don't post it.Granted my friends list has really slimmed down in the past few months the idea still applies.
In this blog you will never see any names other than my own. You will never see me bad mouthing my husband or child. When you see me write something that sounds passive aggressive, firstly it's not a call out it is simply me getting my thoughts in order, secondly if you think it's about you, then it probably is ;). Anyone who knows me knows if I have something to say I say it, but I'm just trying to say things better these days hence the writing.
When I started this I wrote in my info that above all this is for ME, if you don't like what I have to say then stop reading and don't come back. Also I'm not doing this post for any other reason than to remind myself and my "followers" that this is my blog and I'll do as I please.
Stay Tuned
I started this blog so I could be totally honest and get everything without "blowing up" in real life. This was a place for me to air my thoughts and feelings, to clear my head enough to be able to think things through. Now though I have family and friends who read almost all I have to say(again I'm not complaining about that).
I have seriously considered starting a new blog under a pseudo-name, but that goes against the reason I started this one and the way I'm trying to live my life. Normally my philosophy is if I wouldn't call everyone on my friends list and tell them whatever I'm thinking, then don't post it.Granted my friends list has really slimmed down in the past few months the idea still applies.
In this blog you will never see any names other than my own. You will never see me bad mouthing my husband or child. When you see me write something that sounds passive aggressive, firstly it's not a call out it is simply me getting my thoughts in order, secondly if you think it's about you, then it probably is ;). Anyone who knows me knows if I have something to say I say it, but I'm just trying to say things better these days hence the writing.
When I started this I wrote in my info that above all this is for ME, if you don't like what I have to say then stop reading and don't come back. Also I'm not doing this post for any other reason than to remind myself and my "followers" that this is my blog and I'll do as I please.
Stay Tuned
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
I'm gonna make this place your home
So the baby and I got to spend a truly lovely long weekend at home. We attended Great Grandma's 90th birthday and were there for my "parents" 25th wedding anniversary. It was just a wonderful weekend and I am so blessed to have such amazing family all around.
As many of you know I have quite a large family, I mean 60+ first cousins alone! While there are some I've known all my life, and a fair amount I've never met we are "family" and I belong.
I use "Quotes" because the traditional concept of family carry much weight in my humble opinion. I have family that I've know my whole life that I know almost nothing about. Not that I don't love them cause I do, but for one reason or another we aren't close. Hell I have "blood" relatives I've never even spoken to, and that doesn't make them any less my family.
For me I am closest with my "adoptive" family. I quote because I wasn't actually adopted just accepted without question. They were there for me at a time in my life when I was most lost. They were so different from everything I knew, and that was what I needed. In many ways they saved me, who knows what I would have done if they hadn't been so accepting as to let their sons friend suddenly move in with them. I literally went for a weekend visit and stayed for almost a year.
I guess my point is that families come in all shapes and sizes, and who you consider family is really your own business. You might not call someone family that your sibling or cousin swears is. While I have my favorites, and I love all my family I don't need to be anyone else' favorite. I am happy and truly blessed just to be a part of it all.
So next time you attend a family event take a moment to sit back in wonder that you are an important piece to complex puzzle.
Stay Tuned
As many of you know I have quite a large family, I mean 60+ first cousins alone! While there are some I've known all my life, and a fair amount I've never met we are "family" and I belong.
I use "Quotes" because the traditional concept of family carry much weight in my humble opinion. I have family that I've know my whole life that I know almost nothing about. Not that I don't love them cause I do, but for one reason or another we aren't close. Hell I have "blood" relatives I've never even spoken to, and that doesn't make them any less my family.
For me I am closest with my "adoptive" family. I quote because I wasn't actually adopted just accepted without question. They were there for me at a time in my life when I was most lost. They were so different from everything I knew, and that was what I needed. In many ways they saved me, who knows what I would have done if they hadn't been so accepting as to let their sons friend suddenly move in with them. I literally went for a weekend visit and stayed for almost a year.
I guess my point is that families come in all shapes and sizes, and who you consider family is really your own business. You might not call someone family that your sibling or cousin swears is. While I have my favorites, and I love all my family I don't need to be anyone else' favorite. I am happy and truly blessed just to be a part of it all.
So next time you attend a family event take a moment to sit back in wonder that you are an important piece to complex puzzle.
Stay Tuned
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Wonder-filled
Today is my husband and mine 2nd wedding anniversary. This day more than any other I sit back in wonder at all that we have done in the few years we've been together. I could not be more proud of the life we've made and the daughter we've raised. There is truly, very little I would change about our life.
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I could never in a million years find a better partner than the one I have. I know how lucky I am, and I'm thankful every day for the great life he's provided. In all things he is my better half, and the very best friend I have ever had.
I've come to notice how very few decisions I make without him. I don't see it as a weakness, or a dependency problem. I see it as the depth of our connection, if I can't pick out laundry detergent by myself it's simply because I want him to love the smell of his clean laundry.
Even the most stable relationship get tested by self doubt. I know how much I love him, and I know he loves me but some days I can't help but question am I the wife he deserves... Of course I answer "NO! He could do WAY better than me!". I know how good he is for me and what differences other people have seen in me since we've been together. But I can only wonder if the same things are said and seen by his friends and family? Has my love changed him like his has me? Are there people close to him that have never seen him so happy or doing so well?
These might sound like questions of an insecure young girl, but that's not it. I want to know that I am right for him. I want to know that I am the love of his life that will never get away. I need to know that I am the best possible partner for him because I want nothing more than his utmost happiness. I want to be his utmost happiness!
I know how this sounds, so how about a little back story.
When we met, he was living in his very small home town, he'd only had a few serious relationship, and he was generally unhappy with everything. I was new in town with lots of history and "adventurous" stories. Some days I can't help but feel that he latched on to me because I was so different. I got him away from everything he knew and was unhappy with. Did he settle for me as a means of escape?
I'm not saying all this because I have any doubts about us, in fact I have never doubted us. I wrote this simply to show that even the best of us aren't always at their strongest. It is natural to have some doubts in life as long as you don't let them get the best of you, or else you may miss out on the best things.
I get to have a slumber party every night with my best friend, because I shushed my doubts and let true love build our home.
Stay Tuned
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I could never in a million years find a better partner than the one I have. I know how lucky I am, and I'm thankful every day for the great life he's provided. In all things he is my better half, and the very best friend I have ever had.
I've come to notice how very few decisions I make without him. I don't see it as a weakness, or a dependency problem. I see it as the depth of our connection, if I can't pick out laundry detergent by myself it's simply because I want him to love the smell of his clean laundry.
Even the most stable relationship get tested by self doubt. I know how much I love him, and I know he loves me but some days I can't help but question am I the wife he deserves... Of course I answer "NO! He could do WAY better than me!". I know how good he is for me and what differences other people have seen in me since we've been together. But I can only wonder if the same things are said and seen by his friends and family? Has my love changed him like his has me? Are there people close to him that have never seen him so happy or doing so well?
These might sound like questions of an insecure young girl, but that's not it. I want to know that I am right for him. I want to know that I am the love of his life that will never get away. I need to know that I am the best possible partner for him because I want nothing more than his utmost happiness. I want to be his utmost happiness!
I know how this sounds, so how about a little back story.
When we met, he was living in his very small home town, he'd only had a few serious relationship, and he was generally unhappy with everything. I was new in town with lots of history and "adventurous" stories. Some days I can't help but feel that he latched on to me because I was so different. I got him away from everything he knew and was unhappy with. Did he settle for me as a means of escape?
I'm not saying all this because I have any doubts about us, in fact I have never doubted us. I wrote this simply to show that even the best of us aren't always at their strongest. It is natural to have some doubts in life as long as you don't let them get the best of you, or else you may miss out on the best things.
I get to have a slumber party every night with my best friend, because I shushed my doubts and let true love build our home.
Stay Tuned
Friday, November 1, 2013
Fearless love
People always said my Dad was an everyday Angel. He was kind and funny, and he would do whatever he could to put a smile on your face. My Dad passed away 10 years ago and to this day when I see his old friends and co-workers they still get teary eyed talking about him. I think that says more than anything I ever could.
Luckily for me and my Daughter, girls fall in love with their Fathers. My Husband is one of those Angels. He'd give you the shirt off his back and his last dollar without a second thought. He has a smile that will light up a room and touch your soul. It's no wonder why I fell in love with him on our 1st date.
I know my Father would be proud to call him Son, and I know he would be proud of the life we've built together. My greatest sorrow is that they never got to meet.
Knowing the two most important men in my life makes me very excited and unafraid for my daughter. I know when she grows up, and is ready to settle down, she's going to find a MAN who will be everything she needs. Someone who will be her best friend and lover. Who will be a wonderful Father to their children, and a good provider who puts his family first.
I can't imagine how hard it's going to be to "give her away" when the time comes, but I know if she finds a man like her Daddy and Pop pop, it'll be a little easier.
This week is our anniversary week. So yes I get mushy for a few days. Wednesday marks our 2nd wedding anniversary, but Monday makes it 3 years together total. (Yes we got married after only 1 year). We have done so much in our short time together it almost seems unreal. I am so proud of him and of us, and I cannot wait to see what adventures our future holds!
Stay Tuned
Luckily for me and my Daughter, girls fall in love with their Fathers. My Husband is one of those Angels. He'd give you the shirt off his back and his last dollar without a second thought. He has a smile that will light up a room and touch your soul. It's no wonder why I fell in love with him on our 1st date.
I know my Father would be proud to call him Son, and I know he would be proud of the life we've built together. My greatest sorrow is that they never got to meet.
Knowing the two most important men in my life makes me very excited and unafraid for my daughter. I know when she grows up, and is ready to settle down, she's going to find a MAN who will be everything she needs. Someone who will be her best friend and lover. Who will be a wonderful Father to their children, and a good provider who puts his family first.
I can't imagine how hard it's going to be to "give her away" when the time comes, but I know if she finds a man like her Daddy and Pop pop, it'll be a little easier.
This week is our anniversary week. So yes I get mushy for a few days. Wednesday marks our 2nd wedding anniversary, but Monday makes it 3 years together total. (Yes we got married after only 1 year). We have done so much in our short time together it almost seems unreal. I am so proud of him and of us, and I cannot wait to see what adventures our future holds!
Stay Tuned
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Just one of those days...
Everyone has those days where you wake up in a good mood, the kids are happy, and the coffee is great. Then suddenly a good portion of your world comes crumbling down, destroying everything in it's path for the foreseeable future. You're angry at everything and you're at a complete loss as to what you should do.
Everyone has those days, there's nothing you can do to prevent them, and there's not much you can do to help them once they're here. They are out of our control. The only thing you can control is how you react . Yes everyone is going to be mad for at least a little bit, but once you realize there is NOTHING you can do about it you really should let the angry go. I know it's so easy to just be pissed and let it ruin the rest of your day if not the rest of your week, but that only hurts you and doesn't fix anything.
It may sound really appealing to rant and rave to anything with ears, or post all your frustrations on social media. While it might make you feel better for a moment it still doesn't solve anything and it highlights your inadequacy for the world to see. That includes your enemies who will use whatever they can against you. In any bad situation there are only ever two people you need to talk to. Your spouse, and God. I would suggest going to God first, because he's always there, and you immediately feel better. When the world falls down the last things you want to do is fight with the only person who has your back. Talk to God, calm yourself then go to your spouse and calmly discuss your next move together.
If you don't have a spouse still go to God and if you need a second opinion to your problems go to your most trusted confidant. Always remember things will get worked out just not always in the way we expect.
Stay Tuned
Everyone has those days, there's nothing you can do to prevent them, and there's not much you can do to help them once they're here. They are out of our control. The only thing you can control is how you react . Yes everyone is going to be mad for at least a little bit, but once you realize there is NOTHING you can do about it you really should let the angry go. I know it's so easy to just be pissed and let it ruin the rest of your day if not the rest of your week, but that only hurts you and doesn't fix anything.
It may sound really appealing to rant and rave to anything with ears, or post all your frustrations on social media. While it might make you feel better for a moment it still doesn't solve anything and it highlights your inadequacy for the world to see. That includes your enemies who will use whatever they can against you. In any bad situation there are only ever two people you need to talk to. Your spouse, and God. I would suggest going to God first, because he's always there, and you immediately feel better. When the world falls down the last things you want to do is fight with the only person who has your back. Talk to God, calm yourself then go to your spouse and calmly discuss your next move together.
If you don't have a spouse still go to God and if you need a second opinion to your problems go to your most trusted confidant. Always remember things will get worked out just not always in the way we expect.
Stay Tuned
Thursday, October 17, 2013
New Adventures
I used to HATE going on the social media sites. All my feeds were filled with other Moms making delicious foods and adorable crafts and clothes. It made me feel terrible, and inadequate. Everybody has at least one friend who is like Mother freaking Earth incarnate. She's always making some amazing dinner, and awesome clothes for her multiple kids and out of no where she starts doing art-work. Meanwhile I'm sitting here like "Hey I did the dishes! Again!".
Well I really started thinking about, honestly how do they do it?? The only viable conclusion I could come up with was that it's not them, it's me. There is no reason on earth I couldn't be doing the exact same things. I was simply being lazy. This is not a new revelation to me, I don't think I've ever actually put forth my full effort in anything. Don't get me wrong I have always done everything, just not to the best of my ability.
I was the only thing getting in my way. I have always been a good cook why the hell shouldn't I try something new. I love to paint, I could make amazing inspirational wall art til my arms fall off. I learned to sew in the 7th grade that's my own damn fault my new machine intimidates the crap out of me.
So, I am going to get off my ass and start doing all the things I've jealously watched other people do. I'm going to bake, and can, and sew, and paint, and learn to crochet. I'm going to do whatever makes me happy and productive.
Stay Tuned
Well I really started thinking about, honestly how do they do it?? The only viable conclusion I could come up with was that it's not them, it's me. There is no reason on earth I couldn't be doing the exact same things. I was simply being lazy. This is not a new revelation to me, I don't think I've ever actually put forth my full effort in anything. Don't get me wrong I have always done everything, just not to the best of my ability.
I was the only thing getting in my way. I have always been a good cook why the hell shouldn't I try something new. I love to paint, I could make amazing inspirational wall art til my arms fall off. I learned to sew in the 7th grade that's my own damn fault my new machine intimidates the crap out of me.
So, I am going to get off my ass and start doing all the things I've jealously watched other people do. I'm going to bake, and can, and sew, and paint, and learn to crochet. I'm going to do whatever makes me happy and productive.
Stay Tuned
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Packing it up
Like 90% of the world my little family has experienced financial hardships. Thankfully we've never gone hungry or had utilities shut off, but it has been really tight some times. As you know I am a S.A.H.M. who seems completely un-hire-able and not from lack of trying! Recently things at by husbands work have not been going very well, and we think he might not be there much longer. Now most people would be freaking out, I on the other hand am planning. The only thing keeping us in this state is hubbys job, we have no family and really no friends here. Now it would make the MOST sense for us to move north to our family and friends...but we don't want to do that. We could move south to my family, but we don't really want to do that either.
SOOOO my solution is... WEST!!! And I don't mean west coast, I mean mid-west like the Dakotas or Montana, or Wyoming or maybe Washington, or ooh ALASKA!!!
Obviously my planning hasn't gotten very far but still that's where my thought process is headed. Last night we were watching "Buying Alaska" on Destination America, and frankly, I fell in love!
One thing you need to understand is, I am a born and mostly raised Jersey girl. Not the ones you see on TV but a real one. Now my love is a born and raised western New York country boy, he works with dirt and trucks and kills things for fun and money. He has always joked about moving us to the middle of the mountains and living off the land raising our kids to work for everything and know how to get their hands dirty.
When we first got together I always told him he was crazy and that I could never live like that, but I think I'm changing my mind. I never minded getting my hands dirty, I was a tom boy daddys girls growing up. I always had mud or oil on me some where and I know my way around a tool box.
I really think that we could make it work and be truly happy during the whole process. Though these days when I say "Hey lets move to Alaska", he's the one who backs away from the idea. I guess we will all just have to wait and see how it goes. Don't be surprised if you read a "We're MOVING" post in the somewhat near future.
Stay Tuned!
SOOOO my solution is... WEST!!! And I don't mean west coast, I mean mid-west like the Dakotas or Montana, or Wyoming or maybe Washington, or ooh ALASKA!!!
Obviously my planning hasn't gotten very far but still that's where my thought process is headed. Last night we were watching "Buying Alaska" on Destination America, and frankly, I fell in love!
One thing you need to understand is, I am a born and mostly raised Jersey girl. Not the ones you see on TV but a real one. Now my love is a born and raised western New York country boy, he works with dirt and trucks and kills things for fun and money. He has always joked about moving us to the middle of the mountains and living off the land raising our kids to work for everything and know how to get their hands dirty.
When we first got together I always told him he was crazy and that I could never live like that, but I think I'm changing my mind. I never minded getting my hands dirty, I was a tom boy daddys girls growing up. I always had mud or oil on me some where and I know my way around a tool box.
I really think that we could make it work and be truly happy during the whole process. Though these days when I say "Hey lets move to Alaska", he's the one who backs away from the idea. I guess we will all just have to wait and see how it goes. Don't be surprised if you read a "We're MOVING" post in the somewhat near future.
Stay Tuned!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
I want crazy!
If you've read more than 3 of my posts you know I have had a very...different... life than most. While I could spend days telling you my whole story, praising the good things and complaining about the bad, I won't. I find it much more entertaining as a writer and a reader to give snippets here and there. That way you the reader will form a truer vision of me than I could give with all the words in the world. They say there are two sides to every story and the truth is in the middle, so I'll give you part of my story and hope you find the truth in it.
I never made the "right" choices. I had my own drum, guitar, bass, tambourine, and vocalist. I've done stuff I'm not so proud of, but I'll claim it til the day I die. For all the good and the bad my life wouldn't be what it is today if I made even one decision differently.
I have to take a minute and thank my Mom for raising me the way she did. I have more faith in myself then most people twice my age. I was never afraid to try anything or go anywhere, because I knew I could take care of myself. Thank you Lady.
In the four years between graduating High school and marrying the love of my life I did...a lot. I moved 6 times literally across the world and back. I'll never forget I was sitting on a shuttle bus traveling from one terminal to another in Phoenix and I seriously considered not getting on my connecting flight. I was honestly going to just take off alone in an unknown city and start over. Some days I really wonder how that would have turned out. I'm glad I didn't do it, but if I were to get a second life I would definitely try it.
I am married now and we have a beautiful little girl. There is such a pressure in being a wife and Mom. I can't imagine how hard it is to be a single parent, and I pray every day that I will never find out. I wake up and go to sleep every day knowing I have two lives in my hands that I need to take care of. I know I can do it though. I taught my husband a saying that I have lived by for as long as I can remember, -It'll be o.k, because it has to be-. No matter what life throws at us we know we can handle it strictly because we have no other options. So far we've made everything work out just fine, and, honestly I couldn't be more proud of us.
Stay Tuned
I never made the "right" choices. I had my own drum, guitar, bass, tambourine, and vocalist. I've done stuff I'm not so proud of, but I'll claim it til the day I die. For all the good and the bad my life wouldn't be what it is today if I made even one decision differently.
I have to take a minute and thank my Mom for raising me the way she did. I have more faith in myself then most people twice my age. I was never afraid to try anything or go anywhere, because I knew I could take care of myself. Thank you Lady.
In the four years between graduating High school and marrying the love of my life I did...a lot. I moved 6 times literally across the world and back. I'll never forget I was sitting on a shuttle bus traveling from one terminal to another in Phoenix and I seriously considered not getting on my connecting flight. I was honestly going to just take off alone in an unknown city and start over. Some days I really wonder how that would have turned out. I'm glad I didn't do it, but if I were to get a second life I would definitely try it.
I am married now and we have a beautiful little girl. There is such a pressure in being a wife and Mom. I can't imagine how hard it is to be a single parent, and I pray every day that I will never find out. I wake up and go to sleep every day knowing I have two lives in my hands that I need to take care of. I know I can do it though. I taught my husband a saying that I have lived by for as long as I can remember, -It'll be o.k, because it has to be-. No matter what life throws at us we know we can handle it strictly because we have no other options. So far we've made everything work out just fine, and, honestly I couldn't be more proud of us.
Stay Tuned
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
To precious to waste
I am tired. Tired of waiting for people to grow up. Tired of cleaning up other peoples messes. I am not a maid or a life coach and if you want to use me as such I'm going to start charging for it. My time and attention are to precious to waste on things that don't benefit ME or mine in any way.
I would rather be lonely than miserable. If I wake up tomorrow without a single friend in the world I will smile knowing all I have to deal with is my own bullshit. I am too young and too pretty to go wrinkly gray over someone else. The time has come! It's fall cleaning time!! I'm going to "clean" out my phone and friends list.
When I am ready I can ALWAYS make new friends or I can reach out to lost friends and make new again. Either way I WILL be happy. My family will get the best of me, and my friends will get an honest, solid, loyal confidant. And all I will ask is the same in return.
I hope that those I choose to detach from take my leaving with grace. Know I will continue to pray for you and hope your life turns into all that you desire. And I hope they will respect me enough to wish me well and let me be on my way to whatever adventures lay before me.
One Can Only Hope.
Stay Tuned
I would rather be lonely than miserable. If I wake up tomorrow without a single friend in the world I will smile knowing all I have to deal with is my own bullshit. I am too young and too pretty to go wrinkly gray over someone else. The time has come! It's fall cleaning time!! I'm going to "clean" out my phone and friends list.
When I am ready I can ALWAYS make new friends or I can reach out to lost friends and make new again. Either way I WILL be happy. My family will get the best of me, and my friends will get an honest, solid, loyal confidant. And all I will ask is the same in return.
I hope that those I choose to detach from take my leaving with grace. Know I will continue to pray for you and hope your life turns into all that you desire. And I hope they will respect me enough to wish me well and let me be on my way to whatever adventures lay before me.
One Can Only Hope.
Stay Tuned
Monday, September 9, 2013
Hello Old Friend
It really is no wonder why I don't get on here as much as I'd like. In the HOUR since I started this post I have been sat on uncountable times, my laptop has been knocked to the floor twice(now I'm sitting on the floor for safety purposes), I've been covered in syrupie waffles, We've had to shower and get dressed, I've gotten baby sun lasses shoved on my face 5 times, and I've had to stop after every other word.
Not to mention I rarely get 3 seconds to get my thoughts in order. As always I have just way to much going on and not enough focus to actually get anything done. I now live with 2 "adult" boys, and our do has gone to stay with my brother for a while. I wish I could take a picture of my kitchen and attach it but I'm not that savvy. My house is a mess and I can't keep up with it and as always I get little to no help.
Needless to say things have been a little tense between the hubbs and I. Being a couple and having someone else live with you is hard add on a baby and take into consideration we lived by ourselves for over a year. Everything changes!! From the jammies you don't even think about to your dinner portions to your conversation content. In all practicality it's good practice for us for when our babies aren't babies anymore and we need to watch what we say but... We were finally enjoying being on our own and then it ended suddenly...
Sometimes I just wished we lived closer to our family... I am a 24-7 Mom, I can count on 1 hand how many time I've been away from my daughter for more than an hour in the past YEAR. Yes I am complaining a little bit. I haven't been alone in almost 2 years!! I have been working on these 4 paragraphs for over 2 hours!! I don't get breaks or vacations, I don't get slow minutes or down time, normal days I don't even get breakfast until about 12:30pm
It is now 3:30 and I am just finishing this little post, rereading this I sound like a looney tune!!! C'est la vie... literally hahaha!! Pun intended!! Oh man can you tell I need a nap?? No time have to go throw together chicken Parm and fresh garlic bread, MmmMmm I rock!!
Stay Tuned
(Please! I'm not always so crazy!!)
Not to mention I rarely get 3 seconds to get my thoughts in order. As always I have just way to much going on and not enough focus to actually get anything done. I now live with 2 "adult" boys, and our do has gone to stay with my brother for a while. I wish I could take a picture of my kitchen and attach it but I'm not that savvy. My house is a mess and I can't keep up with it and as always I get little to no help.
Needless to say things have been a little tense between the hubbs and I. Being a couple and having someone else live with you is hard add on a baby and take into consideration we lived by ourselves for over a year. Everything changes!! From the jammies you don't even think about to your dinner portions to your conversation content. In all practicality it's good practice for us for when our babies aren't babies anymore and we need to watch what we say but... We were finally enjoying being on our own and then it ended suddenly...
Sometimes I just wished we lived closer to our family... I am a 24-7 Mom, I can count on 1 hand how many time I've been away from my daughter for more than an hour in the past YEAR. Yes I am complaining a little bit. I haven't been alone in almost 2 years!! I have been working on these 4 paragraphs for over 2 hours!! I don't get breaks or vacations, I don't get slow minutes or down time, normal days I don't even get breakfast until about 12:30pm
It is now 3:30 and I am just finishing this little post, rereading this I sound like a looney tune!!! C'est la vie... literally hahaha!! Pun intended!! Oh man can you tell I need a nap?? No time have to go throw together chicken Parm and fresh garlic bread, MmmMmm I rock!!
Stay Tuned
(Please! I'm not always so crazy!!)
Monday, August 26, 2013
Missing so many...
A young friend of mine just recently lost his Father. As a girl who lost her Dad early in life I must say it's probably one of the hardest things ever. I feel that when terrible things like that happen in life you are given two choices: you can either deal with it and let it make you stronger in the end, or you can let it cripple you and use it as an excuse for doing nothing with the rest of your life.
I know that my friend will do just fine because he is smart and responsible and wants more for himself. I wish the same could be said for most. But that would make life to smooth and easy.
The worst part about losing anyone especially a parent is all the stuff they miss. My Daddy died suddenly when I was just 15 years old. He never got to see me drive, or graduate. He didn't get to walk me down the aisle and he'll never get to hold his granddaughter.
I used to pray and ask for one more hour with him, just enough time for us to say goodbye and how much we love each other. Now though I can't imagine asking for myself, I'd much rather have him spend that time meeting my husband and his awesome grand-baby.
They say time heals all wounds, and yes eventually the searing pain of loss does fade, but it is never truly "healed". It will sneak up on you in your vulnerable moments and put a new slice in your heart. In my 24 years I've lost a Father, two Grandfathers, and a Gam . Each one was very special to me in thier own ways, and I can't tell you how many times a day I hear around me reminding me of lessons they taught.
I know the ones we love never truly leave us but I can't tell you what I'd pay for one more hug, or to hear my Daddy tell me he's proud of me and what I've done. Now I'm crying...
Stay Tuned.
I know that my friend will do just fine because he is smart and responsible and wants more for himself. I wish the same could be said for most. But that would make life to smooth and easy.
The worst part about losing anyone especially a parent is all the stuff they miss. My Daddy died suddenly when I was just 15 years old. He never got to see me drive, or graduate. He didn't get to walk me down the aisle and he'll never get to hold his granddaughter.
I used to pray and ask for one more hour with him, just enough time for us to say goodbye and how much we love each other. Now though I can't imagine asking for myself, I'd much rather have him spend that time meeting my husband and his awesome grand-baby.
They say time heals all wounds, and yes eventually the searing pain of loss does fade, but it is never truly "healed". It will sneak up on you in your vulnerable moments and put a new slice in your heart. In my 24 years I've lost a Father, two Grandfathers, and a Gam . Each one was very special to me in thier own ways, and I can't tell you how many times a day I hear around me reminding me of lessons they taught.
I know the ones we love never truly leave us but I can't tell you what I'd pay for one more hug, or to hear my Daddy tell me he's proud of me and what I've done. Now I'm crying...
Stay Tuned.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Longing for home...
I just got home from spending the past week in my personal "home" haven.
It wasn't where I grew up, and they aren't even really my family, but it is the place where I feel most accepted and loved.
It takes a very special kind of person to invite a complete stranger into their family, but that's what I found over 3 yeas ago.
I can't even begin to describe how they've changed me and my life.
I wouldn't be where I am today without them (literally they introduced me to my husband!).
I could never thank them enough for all they've done for me, and my family.
I am always welcome and they treat my daughter like one of their own.
They were the first people I told when we got pregnant and they were my first wedding invitations.
We have more inside jokes and funny moments.
They are who I think about when I say "I want to go home".
And I will never forget my long awaited Father Daughter dance, it was probably one of the top 4 best moments of my life.
They are my inspiration and role models.
They are the rock I turn to when I need advice or counseling.
Most people don't get to choose their family, I didn't either, they chose me and it was the best thing that could have ever happen to me at the time.
I was a mess going nowhere, they gave me a place to live and a chance at a different kind of life.
Every member of that whole family accepted me and touched my life in some way.
I've only been home for 22 hours and I already can't wait to go back....
Stay Tuned...
It wasn't where I grew up, and they aren't even really my family, but it is the place where I feel most accepted and loved.
It takes a very special kind of person to invite a complete stranger into their family, but that's what I found over 3 yeas ago.
I can't even begin to describe how they've changed me and my life.
I wouldn't be where I am today without them (literally they introduced me to my husband!).
I could never thank them enough for all they've done for me, and my family.
I am always welcome and they treat my daughter like one of their own.
They were the first people I told when we got pregnant and they were my first wedding invitations.
We have more inside jokes and funny moments.
They are who I think about when I say "I want to go home".
And I will never forget my long awaited Father Daughter dance, it was probably one of the top 4 best moments of my life.
They are my inspiration and role models.
They are the rock I turn to when I need advice or counseling.
Most people don't get to choose their family, I didn't either, they chose me and it was the best thing that could have ever happen to me at the time.
I was a mess going nowhere, they gave me a place to live and a chance at a different kind of life.
Every member of that whole family accepted me and touched my life in some way.
I've only been home for 22 hours and I already can't wait to go back....
Stay Tuned...
Monday, August 12, 2013
Happiness is needed
I have come to a point in my life where I may still not know right from left but I know who I am and that is the best feeling in the world. I am a wife, and mom, but most of all I'm KC. I am smart(most of the time), funny(all the time), caring, giving, and most of all I am HAPPY. I'm happy with my life, with who I've become, and that I've done.
The time has come for me to start doing things for myself, and in turn my family. I need to surround myself with people and things that make me smile. I am tired of feeling like I'm waiting for something, it's useless and just makes me anxious. I want to decorate, I want where we are now to feel like a home not just the place we're at till we buy a house.I want to throw parties. I want friends to invite to said parties. I want a job that challenges me and makes me try. I want to go back to school simply because I enjoy it. The only thing stopping me is ME. Well I'm finally putting an end to that.
Until I find a job I am going to enjoy myself and not stress over it. I will play with my baby, and teach her to use the potty. I will bargain shop and decorate the hell out of our house. I am going to be social in town and meet people, maybe start a play group. I'm going to reach out to old friends and try being friends again. First things first we're going to best buy to look at new laptops cause my old girls is falling apart.
Wish me luck!
Stay tuned!!
The time has come for me to start doing things for myself, and in turn my family. I need to surround myself with people and things that make me smile. I am tired of feeling like I'm waiting for something, it's useless and just makes me anxious. I want to decorate, I want where we are now to feel like a home not just the place we're at till we buy a house.I want to throw parties. I want friends to invite to said parties. I want a job that challenges me and makes me try. I want to go back to school simply because I enjoy it. The only thing stopping me is ME. Well I'm finally putting an end to that.
Until I find a job I am going to enjoy myself and not stress over it. I will play with my baby, and teach her to use the potty. I will bargain shop and decorate the hell out of our house. I am going to be social in town and meet people, maybe start a play group. I'm going to reach out to old friends and try being friends again. First things first we're going to best buy to look at new laptops cause my old girls is falling apart.
Wish me luck!
Stay tuned!!
Monday, August 5, 2013
Everybody and Their Brother
Every one out there (including myself) will tell you how to live every aspect of your life. Every parent will tell you how to raise your kid. Every married person will tell you how to build your marriage. If you're married every "single" friend will tell you what you're missing. If you're single every married friend will quickly tell you how empty your life is.
Well I'm going to do it again but in a good way!
No one knows what your life is like. Best friends may have a good idea, bur no one but you knows your whole story. Therefore only YOU know what's right for you! If you keep your eyes open and have a realistic view you should be alright. Also if you are not mature enough to accept all possible consequences for your actions, chances are you aren't mature enough to make serious decisions in the first place.
There was not a single person in our lives that supported the choices Matt and I have made in our relationship. Every bend in our road was filled with nay-sayers saying some really terrible things at times. I won't go into details cause I'll just get upset but I'm sure you can imagine what people would say to two 22yr olds who got pregnant and married in the first year of their relationship.It caused us a lot of pain but never once made us doubt our decision, all it did was let us see our "family" for who they really were.
If you're not prepared to lose friends and family over your life choices then you're not ready to go through with them.
But, if you know in your heart that it's right for you, then hold your head high and enjoy every night in the bed you've made. If people really love you they will realize they were wrong and come back to you, whether you accept them or not is up to you.
If however your choices were wrong you need to be able to eat that crow and deal with all the "I told ya so"'s.
I hope you all make the right bed for yourselves, and promise to keep my judgments to a minimum.
Stay Tuned
Well I'm going to do it again but in a good way!
No one knows what your life is like. Best friends may have a good idea, bur no one but you knows your whole story. Therefore only YOU know what's right for you! If you keep your eyes open and have a realistic view you should be alright. Also if you are not mature enough to accept all possible consequences for your actions, chances are you aren't mature enough to make serious decisions in the first place.
There was not a single person in our lives that supported the choices Matt and I have made in our relationship. Every bend in our road was filled with nay-sayers saying some really terrible things at times. I won't go into details cause I'll just get upset but I'm sure you can imagine what people would say to two 22yr olds who got pregnant and married in the first year of their relationship.It caused us a lot of pain but never once made us doubt our decision, all it did was let us see our "family" for who they really were.
If you're not prepared to lose friends and family over your life choices then you're not ready to go through with them.
But, if you know in your heart that it's right for you, then hold your head high and enjoy every night in the bed you've made. If people really love you they will realize they were wrong and come back to you, whether you accept them or not is up to you.
If however your choices were wrong you need to be able to eat that crow and deal with all the "I told ya so"'s.
I hope you all make the right bed for yourselves, and promise to keep my judgments to a minimum.
Stay Tuned
Saturday, August 3, 2013
But we loved with a love that was more than love...
Every day I love you more. It's true.
In any worth while relationship, you should actually feel the need for your partner growing every day.
Never take anything for granted, every sub-conscious gesture should be profound.
Those random "I love you"s should melt your heart. Every secret smile or passing graze is meant especially for you and no one else. Cherish it. Your partner wants to love YOU, and you deserve every second of it.
More often than you'd think there are moments of such intense emotion you can barely control yourself. It can be sparked by something random and little, or sweet and planned. But every now and then you'll realize your whole life was leading to THIS moment and you physically couldn't be any happier.
There are moments in our life that I will never forget, the way it felt to say "With all that I am and all I will ever be I take you to be my husband.", or the way he looked down at me as our child was born. There are also every day moments that get me every time. The way he smiles and hugs our daughter after a long day at work. The deep relaxing breath he takes when I reach out to him in his sleep.
Keep the sub-conscious profound, because it is!
Stay Tuned
In any worth while relationship, you should actually feel the need for your partner growing every day.
Never take anything for granted, every sub-conscious gesture should be profound.
Those random "I love you"s should melt your heart. Every secret smile or passing graze is meant especially for you and no one else. Cherish it. Your partner wants to love YOU, and you deserve every second of it.
More often than you'd think there are moments of such intense emotion you can barely control yourself. It can be sparked by something random and little, or sweet and planned. But every now and then you'll realize your whole life was leading to THIS moment and you physically couldn't be any happier.
There are moments in our life that I will never forget, the way it felt to say "With all that I am and all I will ever be I take you to be my husband.", or the way he looked down at me as our child was born. There are also every day moments that get me every time. The way he smiles and hugs our daughter after a long day at work. The deep relaxing breath he takes when I reach out to him in his sleep.
Keep the sub-conscious profound, because it is!
Stay Tuned
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Extremely Exaggerated Sigh.....
The past couple months have been really insane for us, that's why I started writing again. This weekend all the big stuff finally came to a head. I am one of those people who completely stress about making the decisions. The yes or no is so hard for me but once it's figured out I'm fine.
So as of right now the next many years of our lives is decided on. It seems to me that whenever we get close to the light at the end of a certain tunnel to decide to do something else crazy and add countless miles between us and that light. Hopefully if all goes right this will be it, and we'll be set for life. Although we both know the next 2-3 years are going to be really really hard, I am promised that by the time my punkinhead is old enough to remember all things will settled.
One of our decisions was that, for the time being, I will remain a S.A.H.M. So be prepared for years of blogging!! Hopefully I'll get crafty at some point and be more entertaining than I am now. We are still looking to buy a house, just not quite yet. And we are planning to try for another baby withing the next year. With all that going on and my Hubby working 16hr days it just doesn't make sense for me to go back to work. Plus the cost of having two kids in care is absolutely astounding.
I have decided however that if I am going to "be home" with my babies, we are going to travel. Hopefully once a month we'll be able to go visit with some one. Like I've said before we have family all over, and I have friends who have been begging for a visit for years. If I'm not going to "work" then I'm not going to spend my days inside waiting for someone to want to go do something. I am going to get involved in the community. We will join play groups, and Mommy groups.
As long as my little car is running reliably I will not be bored, and I'm going to plan the best road trip out to Nebraska to finally visit one of my oldest best friends who moved away almost a decade ago.
Hopefully I'll have some really good stories soon!!!
Stay Tuned
So as of right now the next many years of our lives is decided on. It seems to me that whenever we get close to the light at the end of a certain tunnel to decide to do something else crazy and add countless miles between us and that light. Hopefully if all goes right this will be it, and we'll be set for life. Although we both know the next 2-3 years are going to be really really hard, I am promised that by the time my punkinhead is old enough to remember all things will settled.
One of our decisions was that, for the time being, I will remain a S.A.H.M. So be prepared for years of blogging!! Hopefully I'll get crafty at some point and be more entertaining than I am now. We are still looking to buy a house, just not quite yet. And we are planning to try for another baby withing the next year. With all that going on and my Hubby working 16hr days it just doesn't make sense for me to go back to work. Plus the cost of having two kids in care is absolutely astounding.
I have decided however that if I am going to "be home" with my babies, we are going to travel. Hopefully once a month we'll be able to go visit with some one. Like I've said before we have family all over, and I have friends who have been begging for a visit for years. If I'm not going to "work" then I'm not going to spend my days inside waiting for someone to want to go do something. I am going to get involved in the community. We will join play groups, and Mommy groups.
As long as my little car is running reliably I will not be bored, and I'm going to plan the best road trip out to Nebraska to finally visit one of my oldest best friends who moved away almost a decade ago.
Hopefully I'll have some really good stories soon!!!
Stay Tuned
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Up, Down, and all Around
The past few weeks have been really crazy for us. We've been super busy and super stressed, and honestly I've been feeling a little down about everything. Luckily yesterday I had a few lovely conversations with some unexpected friends and it helped me a lot.
As I've mentioned before, I don't have many friends. Recently my two "best friends" have been hanging out a surprising amount. No one bothers to call me, I know I live farther away, but if I knew stuff was going on I'd get there. In the past 2 weeks I've only gotten out of the house once with someone other than my daughter or husband.
All this makes my yesterday all the more great. When you feel forgotten or left out nothing makes it better then being remembered by "distant" friends. By "distant" I just mean good people I don't normally talk to on the day to day. Of course I won't say who they are but if they happen to read this they'll know it's about them.
I may not have solved any of my problems, but it's always nice to talk to a new ear, and I got some lovely good news. I am one of those "island" people who can only confide in a few people and even then only certain things. What I tend to forget is that there are people out there who care and will listen and won't judge. If I actually chose to reach out there would be more hands reaching back then I would have ever thought.
Insecurity can ruin the best of us. 10 times out of 10 the worst of it is in our own heads.
I'd like to say thank you to all my friends who might not "always" be there, but are always there when I didn't know I needed them.
Stay Tuned.
As I've mentioned before, I don't have many friends. Recently my two "best friends" have been hanging out a surprising amount. No one bothers to call me, I know I live farther away, but if I knew stuff was going on I'd get there. In the past 2 weeks I've only gotten out of the house once with someone other than my daughter or husband.
All this makes my yesterday all the more great. When you feel forgotten or left out nothing makes it better then being remembered by "distant" friends. By "distant" I just mean good people I don't normally talk to on the day to day. Of course I won't say who they are but if they happen to read this they'll know it's about them.
I may not have solved any of my problems, but it's always nice to talk to a new ear, and I got some lovely good news. I am one of those "island" people who can only confide in a few people and even then only certain things. What I tend to forget is that there are people out there who care and will listen and won't judge. If I actually chose to reach out there would be more hands reaching back then I would have ever thought.
Insecurity can ruin the best of us. 10 times out of 10 the worst of it is in our own heads.
I'd like to say thank you to all my friends who might not "always" be there, but are always there when I didn't know I needed them.
Stay Tuned.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Where are the lines...?
I have so much that I want to talk about and share, but I can't. Where do you draw the line when you're talking about someone else? Or a relationship? Yes they are MY thoughts and opinions but do they really belong on a public forum for anyone to see?
No probably not...
Honestly at the moment aside from commenting on the weather just like every other hot jackass I have no safe subjects to touch on. Everything leads to something else.. Yes generally my thought train is forty cars long and meanders through the mountains, valleys, and oceans, but right now everything I want to talk about is directly connected to something that is off limits.
Well, except I'm still looking for a job, oh and there is a gnat in my face... gahhhh
I don't have many people I can talk to and when I say not many I really mean none. When I started this blog I wanted to use it as a journal really, but knowing there are people out there who I know who read this from time to time how much of my life do I really want to share...? If I couldn't pick up the phone and talk to them about it do I really want them reading about it here?
No probably not...
So here again I am with this problem of having so freaking much to say and can't do anything with it. I know tomorrow I will get a few phone calls saying "What the hell! Why didn't you call me?" To which I will reply "It was 1 in the morning no one wants to talk at 1 in the morning." So please don't call if you were thinking about it.
My only other thought is to make a new blog under a pseudo name and put all my personal rants there where no one I know will find me or know that it is in fact me. I do journal generally, but most of my journal writing ends up here hence the "this is my journal". There is something about knowing someone can see your feelings and either sympathize or offer advice that it so much more appealing than just writing down all your angry thoughts in a random note book never to be seen again.
I just don't know anymore...
I did it again!! Mountains, Valleys, LOOK A WHALE!!!
Stay Tuned
No probably not...
Honestly at the moment aside from commenting on the weather just like every other hot jackass I have no safe subjects to touch on. Everything leads to something else.. Yes generally my thought train is forty cars long and meanders through the mountains, valleys, and oceans, but right now everything I want to talk about is directly connected to something that is off limits.
Well, except I'm still looking for a job, oh and there is a gnat in my face... gahhhh
I don't have many people I can talk to and when I say not many I really mean none. When I started this blog I wanted to use it as a journal really, but knowing there are people out there who I know who read this from time to time how much of my life do I really want to share...? If I couldn't pick up the phone and talk to them about it do I really want them reading about it here?
No probably not...
So here again I am with this problem of having so freaking much to say and can't do anything with it. I know tomorrow I will get a few phone calls saying "What the hell! Why didn't you call me?" To which I will reply "It was 1 in the morning no one wants to talk at 1 in the morning." So please don't call if you were thinking about it.
My only other thought is to make a new blog under a pseudo name and put all my personal rants there where no one I know will find me or know that it is in fact me. I do journal generally, but most of my journal writing ends up here hence the "this is my journal". There is something about knowing someone can see your feelings and either sympathize or offer advice that it so much more appealing than just writing down all your angry thoughts in a random note book never to be seen again.
I just don't know anymore...
I did it again!! Mountains, Valleys, LOOK A WHALE!!!
Stay Tuned
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Losing my Eff'in mind
Everybody has something in this world they absolutely HATE. Mine is flies, they are the bane of my existence. Now I'm not talking about fear, I'm not afraid of them I just hate them!! Nothing is more disgusting than flies. I would rather have mice or rats or anything else!!
I bring this up because I have been in battle with the wretched flies for the past 2 weeks. Just this afternoon I've killed 8 of those f*ckers. I'd like to point out that my house is not a mess, we aren't hoarders, there's not dirty dishes or food or trash all over. I'd also like to point out that our windows and doors have been closed due to the heat so I have NO CLUE how they're even getting in the house.
Make that 10 flies down.
I'm really at the end of my rope. Between the gnats and flies I losing my damn mind!! I can't eat or drink anything, I can't open my mouth without my hand in front of it. I am honestly so disgusted I don't know what to do anymore.
Make that 13!!
UUGHHH I'm moving point blank period!!!!
I bring this up because I have been in battle with the wretched flies for the past 2 weeks. Just this afternoon I've killed 8 of those f*ckers. I'd like to point out that my house is not a mess, we aren't hoarders, there's not dirty dishes or food or trash all over. I'd also like to point out that our windows and doors have been closed due to the heat so I have NO CLUE how they're even getting in the house.
Make that 10 flies down.
I'm really at the end of my rope. Between the gnats and flies I losing my damn mind!! I can't eat or drink anything, I can't open my mouth without my hand in front of it. I am honestly so disgusted I don't know what to do anymore.
Make that 13!!
UUGHHH I'm moving point blank period!!!!
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Taking a Break
I have spent all week filling out applications, mailing resumes, and negotiating with the bank. I have had a phone to my ear and laptop on my lap for 3 days straight. Well I mean between dishes, laundry, diapers, and snuggles. So of course I decide to step away and write a post with a "small" child climbing all over me.
These days it is hard for anyone to find a job, add to that having a 18 month old jabbing you in the head with a pen. I am a stay at home mom who is looking to get back in the work force. I have everything stacked against me. No employer wants to see gaps in work history, no one wants a mom who might leave again, on one wants anyone without some kind of college degree. Though it has been less than a year since I lost my job every day that gap gets bigger. I did not leave my former job voluntarily to be a stay at home, but I can't promise I won't have more children and have to leave my position. No I did not finish college, but I have experience, life and work force experience that you can't get in a class room. The circle supposedly goes "I can't get 'cause I don't have experience, I can't get experience 'cause I can't get hired."
The same goes for education, if you don't have it, they don't want you but you can't afford to get it without a job to pay for it. Basically they want you to have everything just to get in on the ground floor. It's a bitch!!
On top of that my husband and I are in the process of getting a mortgage loan. We found a mini version of our dream house, but it was contracted the very morning we called about it. Still we've gotten the ball rolling and hopefully we can find something else we love. We are hoping to find out today what we are approved for and really start looking. Needless to say I am very very anxious.
Oh and F.Y.I. having anxiety and bruised ribs is not a pleasant combination.
I really should be doing laundry and packing right now, the baby and I are supposed to go home to New York tomorrow morning, but laundry really hurts. Besides I don't have a car yet so it's hard to get overly excited... I really hope to get my car back from the shop today...
It's so strange just a few weeks ago I wrote about being stagnant and having to wait for things to happen.
Geuss what!? Things are definitely happening!!
Stay Tuned
These days it is hard for anyone to find a job, add to that having a 18 month old jabbing you in the head with a pen. I am a stay at home mom who is looking to get back in the work force. I have everything stacked against me. No employer wants to see gaps in work history, no one wants a mom who might leave again, on one wants anyone without some kind of college degree. Though it has been less than a year since I lost my job every day that gap gets bigger. I did not leave my former job voluntarily to be a stay at home, but I can't promise I won't have more children and have to leave my position. No I did not finish college, but I have experience, life and work force experience that you can't get in a class room. The circle supposedly goes "I can't get 'cause I don't have experience, I can't get experience 'cause I can't get hired."
The same goes for education, if you don't have it, they don't want you but you can't afford to get it without a job to pay for it. Basically they want you to have everything just to get in on the ground floor. It's a bitch!!
On top of that my husband and I are in the process of getting a mortgage loan. We found a mini version of our dream house, but it was contracted the very morning we called about it. Still we've gotten the ball rolling and hopefully we can find something else we love. We are hoping to find out today what we are approved for and really start looking. Needless to say I am very very anxious.
Oh and F.Y.I. having anxiety and bruised ribs is not a pleasant combination.
I really should be doing laundry and packing right now, the baby and I are supposed to go home to New York tomorrow morning, but laundry really hurts. Besides I don't have a car yet so it's hard to get overly excited... I really hope to get my car back from the shop today...
It's so strange just a few weeks ago I wrote about being stagnant and having to wait for things to happen.
Geuss what!? Things are definitely happening!!
Stay Tuned
Friday, July 5, 2013
I am loved.
I have been very lucky in
my life. I have a wonderful family, and I have been “adopted” into other
wonderful families along the way. Though I am no longer friends with many of
the people I was in high school, I will never forget the impact their families
had on me.
My own family lives near
by, but after my fathers death I didn’t seen much of them for many years. That
only left me with my Mother and Brother both of whom I was not very fond of in
my earlier years. I latched on to any family I could. They weren’t perfect but
they were exactly what I needed when I had them.
I won’t get into detail
about everyone that would take a book series. I have lost contact with many of
my families over the years, but a part of me knows if I were to knock on their
door they’d invite me in like no time had passed. There are some though I will
carry with me in my head, heart, and hand until the day I die.
I have loved and been loved
by an abundance of people, and I wouldn’t trade and of my experiences for the
world. I have homes up and down the coast and across the country. I love my
family, each and every one of them. They are all different, and I have a
special bond with each one. On any given day if someone asked how many siblings
I had I’d say “I have 8 brothers 6 sisters from 5 Moms and 3 Dads”. I have
Uncountable Aunts and Uncles and more cousins then you can possibly imagine.
Some people think I’m crazy
but I just smile and know that I am LOVED.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Mehh...
I know it’s been a few days I just honestly haven’t had a minute to think in over a week. So now it’s almost midnight and I can’t sleep so my mind is finally catching up with me.
I know I do this all the time and I’m sure most people do; you start a conversation in your head with someone then imagine all the ways it could go wrong. Then suddenly your whole thought process becomes a this leads to this which will turn to that which makes you remember when you were 6 and your dog died, and before you know it you’re pissed as hell because your brother forgot your birthday 10 years ago.
So yeah that’s where I’m at haha. While tying this late night rant I keep moving to a blank spot on the page and typing topics that I want to get too eventually, I’ve got 6 so far. Some I could go on about with out really trying and others I’d really have to be in the mood to do them justice so I guess we’ll just have to see when I actually get around to using them.
Hopefully soon, it’s always nice to have some ideas in your pocket for when the juices stop flowing.
I think that has really been my problem lately. I haven’t been in the mood to write, nothing has moved me to put pen to paper. No that’s a lie I have many things I’d like to talk about but I don’t have the mental capacity to work them out right now.
Lord help me and give me strength!!
Stay Tuned
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Whenever you're ready
It's been a few days since I last posted, and many things have happened since then.
Firstly is my location, I am currently sitting my in late grandfathers office in South Carolina. The baby and I drove down here Wednesday and I only just figured out how to connect to my mom's wireless tonight which explains my absence.
Secondly is my state of mind. Usually the 12 hour drive down here is very cathartic for me, but since Pumpkin head doesn't like to sleep in the car the joy of the open road has been lost.
Still stepping away from your situation from time to time is always a good thing! And I don't mean like a night or a weekend though those can be good too. I mean real distance and real time. I have been away from home 4 days now, and I am almost dying to go back yet I still have 3 more days til I leave. I'm not sure but I think this may be true for at least most people. When you step away from your life and problems you generally are stepping into someone else's, and while these are my "problems" too, I don't have to see them everyday. I miss my own problems...
I have said before, I've lost a lot of people already in my life and now I have taken a cavalier view of death and mortality. My Grandmother is soon to be 83. She is in stage 5 of Parkinson's Disease (there are only 5 stages). She is losing her memory and her entire thought process. Her husband already passed, and her youngest child (my mom) had to uproot her entire life to move down here to take care of her. God bless Grandmom, she has really the best attitude about everything but that's an effect of the disease. She isn't the woman I grew up with but I like this version better. Honestly though, at what point do you ask yourself "Why am I still holding on?". We love my grandmother and it is really out of this love that as we walk down the stairs every morning we secretly hope she doesn't answer us.
I'm not sure who of you know what about Parkinson's but it is a God awful disease and most of its victims end up starving/choking to death because they lost all muscle function. Add in the uncontrollable body movement, the neurological damage, the loss of appetite and bodily functions; it really is just lovely.
I know my Grandpa is waiting for her (cause he always had to wait on her for nearly 30 years), and he would never dream of rushing her and I know how much she misses him. It has been 6 years since he passed and she still cries every day. When I got pregnant she found a new purpose but you can only fight a losing battle for so long. I can't tell you how happy I am that I got to give her her FIRST great-grand baby. She loves my little girl so much it's amazing, she is always so happy when we come to visit, but it does take a toll on her.
Being here and visiting is always an experience maybe not a good one but I wouldn't trade it. Watching someone you love wither (bodily) and fade (mentally) is the hardest thing in the world. Selfishly, I don't want to do this anymore. More importantly though for the extremely strong and proud woman I know my Grandmother to be I want her to peacefully pass before this awful disease takes anymore of her away.
For the first time in my life I am actually ready to say good-bye to someone. Just the thought of it now has me crying my eyes out though. My Grandmom was an amazing, strong, brilliant woman and I will always choose to remember her that way. Though I will remember the better parts of these last few years, to me she will always be that tough Arizona desert, Marine and Air force wife, mother of four; stubborn as nails woman.
I love you Grandmom and I will spend as much time with you as I can but whenever you're ready it's ok.
Firstly is my location, I am currently sitting my in late grandfathers office in South Carolina. The baby and I drove down here Wednesday and I only just figured out how to connect to my mom's wireless tonight which explains my absence.
Secondly is my state of mind. Usually the 12 hour drive down here is very cathartic for me, but since Pumpkin head doesn't like to sleep in the car the joy of the open road has been lost.
Still stepping away from your situation from time to time is always a good thing! And I don't mean like a night or a weekend though those can be good too. I mean real distance and real time. I have been away from home 4 days now, and I am almost dying to go back yet I still have 3 more days til I leave. I'm not sure but I think this may be true for at least most people. When you step away from your life and problems you generally are stepping into someone else's, and while these are my "problems" too, I don't have to see them everyday. I miss my own problems...
I have said before, I've lost a lot of people already in my life and now I have taken a cavalier view of death and mortality. My Grandmother is soon to be 83. She is in stage 5 of Parkinson's Disease (there are only 5 stages). She is losing her memory and her entire thought process. Her husband already passed, and her youngest child (my mom) had to uproot her entire life to move down here to take care of her. God bless Grandmom, she has really the best attitude about everything but that's an effect of the disease. She isn't the woman I grew up with but I like this version better. Honestly though, at what point do you ask yourself "Why am I still holding on?". We love my grandmother and it is really out of this love that as we walk down the stairs every morning we secretly hope she doesn't answer us.
I'm not sure who of you know what about Parkinson's but it is a God awful disease and most of its victims end up starving/choking to death because they lost all muscle function. Add in the uncontrollable body movement, the neurological damage, the loss of appetite and bodily functions; it really is just lovely.
I know my Grandpa is waiting for her (cause he always had to wait on her for nearly 30 years), and he would never dream of rushing her and I know how much she misses him. It has been 6 years since he passed and she still cries every day. When I got pregnant she found a new purpose but you can only fight a losing battle for so long. I can't tell you how happy I am that I got to give her her FIRST great-grand baby. She loves my little girl so much it's amazing, she is always so happy when we come to visit, but it does take a toll on her.
Being here and visiting is always an experience maybe not a good one but I wouldn't trade it. Watching someone you love wither (bodily) and fade (mentally) is the hardest thing in the world. Selfishly, I don't want to do this anymore. More importantly though for the extremely strong and proud woman I know my Grandmother to be I want her to peacefully pass before this awful disease takes anymore of her away.
For the first time in my life I am actually ready to say good-bye to someone. Just the thought of it now has me crying my eyes out though. My Grandmom was an amazing, strong, brilliant woman and I will always choose to remember her that way. Though I will remember the better parts of these last few years, to me she will always be that tough Arizona desert, Marine and Air force wife, mother of four; stubborn as nails woman.
I love you Grandmom and I will spend as much time with you as I can but whenever you're ready it's ok.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Support
Some people think that when you care about someone you need to support all their decisions whether you agree or not. Personally I don’t agree with this at all. You can love someone and not support what they do, it’s called stepping back and everyone needs to do it once in a while.
While some of us live on high horses and think we know what’s best for every body(me), and we may be wrong sometimes(rarely), we need to know people make their on choices. No one will listen to you all the time. You may think some one may being doing something stupid or dangerous, you can tell them. In the end though they are going to do what they want no matter what you say.
At this point it is up to you to decide if you want to be there for them when it’s over. I’m not talking about hitting on some random hot guy at the bar, I‘m talking about bigger life choices.
At what point to you realize that this is the last straw. When do you say, “I’m done picking up your messes.”? When is it time for “I love you but I can’t.”
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. How long must we keep beating our heads on walls before you realize we are always going to get a headache and we need to walk away? It may be hard for us horse people who always want to fix everything to leave at times like this. You have to! If you stay and keep putting the messes back in order nothing will ever change (The proverbial wall)! Our headache causing loved ones need to hit that wall for once and clean up there own mess by themselves in order to learn any kind of lesson.
More often then we care to admit, it is healthier for everyone to take a “friendship break”. Take some time off from each other, give yourself time to let go, and give them time to get through whatever idiot thing they’ve done this time.
This post is really me speaking to myself ‘cause I am taking freaking forever to learn this damn lesson!! Apparently my horse is REALLY REALLY tall. I’ll tell you guys all about it but won’t do it myself… Maybe now I will since I put it there publicly, at least I hope so ‘cause my head really hurts.
Stay Tuned people!!!!
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Father's Day
I like many others I'm sure could say a lot of bad things about Father's Day. My Daddy passed away at a very young age 9 years ago. Almost exactly 2 years later I lost my very favorite Grandpa, then just 2 years ago I lost my other, extremely wonderful Pop-pop. Needless to say for a long time Father's Day was best not mentioned around me.
Through the years I have never felt like I actually lost any one really. I don't know if just that I believe so hard or that it's true that I have "ghosts". Either way I still feel, think about, and talk to all my loved ones daily.
These days I have a new reason to celebrate and be thankful, my husband is the most amazing Daddy I've ever seen. Our little girl is so in love with him I can't help but stop and watch them snuggle smiling to myself.
I chose to spend my Father's Day hanging out with my husband and playing with our beautiful daughter.
I love my Dad and I know he loves me. I also know he of all people wouldn't want the ones he loved to sit around crying and wasting good grass cutting days.
Yes it is god awful to lose our loved ones.
But it is not the end of the world, (your world maybe) life goes on you have to too.
Now it's bed time!
Stay tuned!
Through the years I have never felt like I actually lost any one really. I don't know if just that I believe so hard or that it's true that I have "ghosts". Either way I still feel, think about, and talk to all my loved ones daily.
These days I have a new reason to celebrate and be thankful, my husband is the most amazing Daddy I've ever seen. Our little girl is so in love with him I can't help but stop and watch them snuggle smiling to myself.
I chose to spend my Father's Day hanging out with my husband and playing with our beautiful daughter.
I love my Dad and I know he loves me. I also know he of all people wouldn't want the ones he loved to sit around crying and wasting good grass cutting days.
Yes it is god awful to lose our loved ones.
But it is not the end of the world, (your world maybe) life goes on you have to too.
Now it's bed time!
Stay tuned!
Friday, June 14, 2013
I Should Get Dressed Now...
I know I should shower and get dressed now but I have a banana smeared monster chasing me around the living room growling her head off. Frankly these are the best mornings I've ever had. When you're forehead to forehead with your own little monster snuffing and growling at each other, it's the greatest!!
Some days being home with her isn't always great, but our good days are really amazing. Yeah there's tantrums and poopy diapers but there's also tickle monsters and patty cake. If you just say "Patty Cake" she runs through all the motions herself, it's really cute!
I haven't been out of the house all week. I was really looking forward to going to the bank and some stores, but now I find myself reluctant to end this fun we're having. I swear teaching my daughter to growl and dance are my two greatest accomplishments.
After having her I can honestly tell anyone who's thinking about getting pregnant, there is NO being prepared for parenthood!! Yes there is an advantage to planning it as to being surprised but in the end no one has a clue what their doing. It's overwhelming and scary but it's also great. Now my husband and I did everything fast and backwards, but it worked for us. We both would be the first in line to tell anyone to WAIT!! Wait to get married. Wait to have children. We love our life and wouldn't change it for the world, but after all we've gone through it's easy to see how so many couples fall apart.
Love is easy. Easy as breathing, if it's not your doing it wrong, but living with someone can be hard. So don't rush. You have time.
Always from one extreme to another with me!!
Stay Tuned
Some days being home with her isn't always great, but our good days are really amazing. Yeah there's tantrums and poopy diapers but there's also tickle monsters and patty cake. If you just say "Patty Cake" she runs through all the motions herself, it's really cute!
I haven't been out of the house all week. I was really looking forward to going to the bank and some stores, but now I find myself reluctant to end this fun we're having. I swear teaching my daughter to growl and dance are my two greatest accomplishments.
After having her I can honestly tell anyone who's thinking about getting pregnant, there is NO being prepared for parenthood!! Yes there is an advantage to planning it as to being surprised but in the end no one has a clue what their doing. It's overwhelming and scary but it's also great. Now my husband and I did everything fast and backwards, but it worked for us. We both would be the first in line to tell anyone to WAIT!! Wait to get married. Wait to have children. We love our life and wouldn't change it for the world, but after all we've gone through it's easy to see how so many couples fall apart.
Love is easy. Easy as breathing, if it's not your doing it wrong, but living with someone can be hard. So don't rush. You have time.
Always from one extreme to another with me!!
Stay Tuned
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Stagnant
There has been a lot of activity in the lives of many people around me. Be it good or bad, new and terrifying, or expected and thrilling, it seems every one but me has something going on.
I could go into what everyone’s doing but that would just depress me further, so I won’t. I know I have a wonderful life I’m not complaining about that at all. I just need something new. My husband and I have decided that I should go back to work, but I have some traveling to do first. So now I’m counting down the days until I can start sending resumes out again. I know I could start looking now but my luck they’d call me back and want me to start now.
I feel like I’m 18 again. You know, the age between high school and college or a job, and you feel like you’re just sitting around waiting for your life to begin. It really sucks.
My husband makes a good living, obviously, but if we want to own a home or ever have new vehicles then I need a job too. I’m fine with that, truthfully I don’t really love being at home all the time. I think a lot of it has to do with me still being bitter about losing my last job. If I hadn’t been fired we could already have the life we want, or at least be well on our way to it.
Finding a job won’t be that hard, but finding one that’s worth having after gas and childcare will be hard. Childcare is what really kills you. If I work part-time I need to make at least $11 an hour to actually bring anything home. Sad right! I was looking at vehicles yesterday doing all the math, I could get a 2013 Honda Pilot and my monthly payments would be almost 100 less than what I’d pay for childcare in the same month. That makes me crazy!
These next few weeks are going to drag and I know it. I have to do my traveling first ‘cause I know I won’t be able to do it once I get a job. So now I get to sit on my hands for the next month or so just compiling a list of places to apply to.
This sucks
Stay Tuned
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Music=Life:
If it wasn’t illegal I would live my life in song
lyrics. There is not a thought or feeling you could have that hasn’t been in a
song. Whether you want to be distracted
or you need solidarity music is the place to turn. Punkinhead and I have
been jamming out all day. At 17 months my daughter has a better taste in music
than most people I know.
I don’t favor any particular genre or style over
another, I like it all (well most of it, Beiber should kill himself though). I
go through phases and always what mood I’m in plays a part. Lately I have been
more into rock/metal to most of my friends displeasure. Honestly though I say
when it comes to music you always need to give it a chance! It may not be your
favorite but don’t shut it out. Someone out there loved it enough to make it
and you can’t spare what 3 minutes to listen to their hard work?
The face of my radio doesn’t work so I have no
idea where I am on the dial most times and I really love that! I find so many
new sounds that way!
I know everybody loves music but for me, music close to a
religion. I feel my heaven on earth when my eyes are squeezed shut and I’m belting it out.
Music touches my soul like nothing else on earth.
I know there are more people
like me out there! I know there are some who would laugh at my limited
knowledge. I would love to meet those people and have my mind blown!
My point today is that music is a very powerful
thing. To some people it’s sacred so when you get in someone else car, don’t
fuck with their radio! That’s a dick move and you liable to get hit or at least
yelled at.
Go Jam out brothers!!
Stay Tuned
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Blubbering mess
To be honest I have studiously ignored my Blogger tab today. My husband took our daughter up to see his family and won't be back til tomorrow evening. This is the longest I have ever been away from my baby. I didn't cry and I've kept myself busy all day, but now it's starting to hit me how freaking quiet it is. I haven't been really alone like this in over 2 years. I used to relish my "me time" I'd sit in my room for hours just for a little break, now not so much. I mean an hour or two is lovely don't get me wrong, hubby wants to take the kid to the store or something, be my guest! But two whole days is kind of a lot...
I know I'm not going to fall asleep tonight... So expect so more rambling posts after this, sorry.
God how sad am I!! It is 10 o'clock on a Saturday night, I'm in jammies watching Monsters Inc and fighting my dog for the last Oreo.
Sometimes being a "grown up" is not as much fun as I thought it would be. I must say though, I don't feel like a "grown-up". If someone were to randomly ask how old I am, and probably say 19 or 20 (I'm well on my way to 25). I asked my husband how old he was the other night and he said 22, then stopped and frowned, and said "Wait that's not right is it?". He's older than I am ;). I honestly don't think there is such a thing as "grown-up". We humans are always growing, changing, and evolving. They say you learn something new every day, doesn't that add to the growing process? Trees for example will continue to grow until they die right? It's not like people reach a certain age and never change again til we die.
I know I am an adult, that is an age range (though it may start later for some), but I am no where near grown! Maybe physically but then tell that to my waist line haha.
Wow this really is all over the place... I think I'll end it now...
Stay Tuned
I know I'm not going to fall asleep tonight... So expect so more rambling posts after this, sorry.
God how sad am I!! It is 10 o'clock on a Saturday night, I'm in jammies watching Monsters Inc and fighting my dog for the last Oreo.
Sometimes being a "grown up" is not as much fun as I thought it would be. I must say though, I don't feel like a "grown-up". If someone were to randomly ask how old I am, and probably say 19 or 20 (I'm well on my way to 25). I asked my husband how old he was the other night and he said 22, then stopped and frowned, and said "Wait that's not right is it?". He's older than I am ;). I honestly don't think there is such a thing as "grown-up". We humans are always growing, changing, and evolving. They say you learn something new every day, doesn't that add to the growing process? Trees for example will continue to grow until they die right? It's not like people reach a certain age and never change again til we die.
I know I am an adult, that is an age range (though it may start later for some), but I am no where near grown! Maybe physically but then tell that to my waist line haha.
Wow this really is all over the place... I think I'll end it now...
Stay Tuned
Friday, June 7, 2013
Life is pretty good...
Normally when my husband gets up I surface to a half sleep so I hear him fumble around but don't actually wake up. This morning I didn't feel him get out of bed so I was really asleep when he leaned in to kiss me goodbye. So we kiss like normal and then he softly whispers, " I made coffee ." I sigh and smile and lean up to kiss him again. Then he whispers "I did a load of laundry too." Now my eyes open for real! He just chuckled kissed me again and walked out of our room.
I smile and shake my head as I roll over and snuggle into our puppy. I actually got to fall back to sleep with my large hairy body pillow for a whole more hour!! I woke up and the alarm clock said 7:58. Oh my gosh!!!! I go to check on the baby cause she never sleeps that late! She's just standing in her bed talking to herself. When she sees me she cracks up laughing and waves her chubby little hand at me. We smile and laugh all through diaper changes and getting jammies on then she growled at me when I hugged her to hard. Now we're all lounging in the living room, the puppy is licking up the remnants of breakfast and she's walking around with her sippy cup in her purse picking up toys.
To most of you this may not seem like something to blog about, but to those who know this has been a morning sent from heaven specifically for me.
Now the rest of my day begins. I can only hope all our good moods can last!
Stay Tuned
I smile and shake my head as I roll over and snuggle into our puppy. I actually got to fall back to sleep with my large hairy body pillow for a whole more hour!! I woke up and the alarm clock said 7:58. Oh my gosh!!!! I go to check on the baby cause she never sleeps that late! She's just standing in her bed talking to herself. When she sees me she cracks up laughing and waves her chubby little hand at me. We smile and laugh all through diaper changes and getting jammies on then she growled at me when I hugged her to hard. Now we're all lounging in the living room, the puppy is licking up the remnants of breakfast and she's walking around with her sippy cup in her purse picking up toys.
To most of you this may not seem like something to blog about, but to those who know this has been a morning sent from heaven specifically for me.
Now the rest of my day begins. I can only hope all our good moods can last!
Stay Tuned
Thursday, June 6, 2013
What’s lost, is Found:
We all lose things in life, family, friends, car keys. Things go missing from our lives whether due to death, distance, or circumstance.
“Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost,
No birth, identity,
form — no object of the world.
Nor life, nor force, nor any visible
thing;
Appearance must not
foil, nor shifted sphere confuse thy brain.
5 Ample are time and
space — ample the fields of Nature.
The body, sluggish,
aged, cold — the embers left from earlier fires,
The light in the eye
grown dim, shall duly flame again;
The sun now low in the
west rises for mornings and for noons continual;
To frozen clods ever
the spring's invisible law returns,
10
With grass and flowers and summer
fruits and corn.”
-Walt Whitman, Continuities
That is a true statement if I’ve ever heard one. All things will find their way back to you in due course. The ones we love never really leave us. All objects can be found if we calm down and take a second look.
Yes I am pulling out all the clichés tonight. If you haven’t noticed they tend to be true…
In my short life I have lost a great deal of people, many to death, and some just to the way people naturally grow and change. I am finally learning the lesson. If someone truly mean a great deal to you there’s a good chance you in turn meant a great deal to them. REACH OUT. Honestly it cannot hurt! If too much has changed to rekindle your relationship then send them off with all the good wishes you possess. But, what if???
Same goes for those who are no longer “here”. Reach out!! Talk to them, they will find a way to show you they are still with you. Because they are!!
As for your ocean of lost items, take 5 seconds out of your instant internet lives, breath, and clean your damn room!! If that doesn’t work simply ask and you shall receive, but you must try on your own first! Trust me I’ve tried just asking a lot hahaha.
In all harshness you are lonely and lost because you choose to be. Most think it makes you strong to do everything on your own. While that is true, knowing, and being able to ask for help show an inner strength that knows no bounds.
Learn, Absorb,
Stay Tuned!
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Seeing the signs
Last night I had a girls night with the two best friends of my life. My best friend Erika whom I’ve written about before and our other best friend Sam whom I haven’t spoken to in almost 2 years.
For the past couple months I been wanting to reach out to Sam, but something was holding me back. Now you’re going to hear a lot of stories about a woman named Gam, she was probably the most influential adult in my younger life. She passed away almost 10 years ago, but she never left. I hear and feel her in everything I do. Lately she’s been getting louder. About a month before she died we were in the car together and she said to me “I don’t worry about my girls cause I know you’ll always be there to take care of them.”
Most would think that is a very heavy thing to say to a 15yr old. But in the life I lived that was the biggest compliment I could have gotten.
The past few weeks every time it gets a little quiet in my head I can hear Gam almost yelling this at me. I’m choosing to believe Gam knows something I don’t. Maybe Sam needs me again, maybe I need her, or maybe we just need each other.
I can’t help but think it’s a sign. To have been feeling the way I have, and then out of nowhere have an impromptu dinner for no real reason… Well what would you think?
People constantly grow and change, and I know we aren’t the same girls we were when we stopped talking. So we’ll just have to take it one step at a time and hope like always we can pick up where we left off.
I’ll be sure you keep you updated!
Stay Tuned
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)