A young friend of mine just recently lost his Father. As a girl who lost her Dad early in life I must say it's probably one of the hardest things ever. I feel that when terrible things like that happen in life you are given two choices: you can either deal with it and let it make you stronger in the end, or you can let it cripple you and use it as an excuse for doing nothing with the rest of your life.
I know that my friend will do just fine because he is smart and responsible and wants more for himself. I wish the same could be said for most. But that would make life to smooth and easy.
The worst part about losing anyone especially a parent is all the stuff they miss. My Daddy died suddenly when I was just 15 years old. He never got to see me drive, or graduate. He didn't get to walk me down the aisle and he'll never get to hold his granddaughter.
I used to pray and ask for one more hour with him, just enough time for us to say goodbye and how much we love each other. Now though I can't imagine asking for myself, I'd much rather have him spend that time meeting my husband and his awesome grand-baby.
They say time heals all wounds, and yes eventually the searing pain of loss does fade, but it is never truly "healed". It will sneak up on you in your vulnerable moments and put a new slice in your heart. In my 24 years I've lost a Father, two Grandfathers, and a Gam . Each one was very special to me in thier own ways, and I can't tell you how many times a day I hear around me reminding me of lessons they taught.
I know the ones we love never truly leave us but I can't tell you what I'd pay for one more hug, or to hear my Daddy tell me he's proud of me and what I've done. Now I'm crying...
Stay Tuned.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Longing for home...
I just got home from spending the past week in my personal "home" haven.
It wasn't where I grew up, and they aren't even really my family, but it is the place where I feel most accepted and loved.
It takes a very special kind of person to invite a complete stranger into their family, but that's what I found over 3 yeas ago.
I can't even begin to describe how they've changed me and my life.
I wouldn't be where I am today without them (literally they introduced me to my husband!).
I could never thank them enough for all they've done for me, and my family.
I am always welcome and they treat my daughter like one of their own.
They were the first people I told when we got pregnant and they were my first wedding invitations.
We have more inside jokes and funny moments.
They are who I think about when I say "I want to go home".
And I will never forget my long awaited Father Daughter dance, it was probably one of the top 4 best moments of my life.
They are my inspiration and role models.
They are the rock I turn to when I need advice or counseling.
Most people don't get to choose their family, I didn't either, they chose me and it was the best thing that could have ever happen to me at the time.
I was a mess going nowhere, they gave me a place to live and a chance at a different kind of life.
Every member of that whole family accepted me and touched my life in some way.
I've only been home for 22 hours and I already can't wait to go back....
Stay Tuned...
It wasn't where I grew up, and they aren't even really my family, but it is the place where I feel most accepted and loved.
It takes a very special kind of person to invite a complete stranger into their family, but that's what I found over 3 yeas ago.
I can't even begin to describe how they've changed me and my life.
I wouldn't be where I am today without them (literally they introduced me to my husband!).
I could never thank them enough for all they've done for me, and my family.
I am always welcome and they treat my daughter like one of their own.
They were the first people I told when we got pregnant and they were my first wedding invitations.
We have more inside jokes and funny moments.
They are who I think about when I say "I want to go home".
And I will never forget my long awaited Father Daughter dance, it was probably one of the top 4 best moments of my life.
They are my inspiration and role models.
They are the rock I turn to when I need advice or counseling.
Most people don't get to choose their family, I didn't either, they chose me and it was the best thing that could have ever happen to me at the time.
I was a mess going nowhere, they gave me a place to live and a chance at a different kind of life.
Every member of that whole family accepted me and touched my life in some way.
I've only been home for 22 hours and I already can't wait to go back....
Stay Tuned...
Monday, August 12, 2013
Happiness is needed
I have come to a point in my life where I may still not know right from left but I know who I am and that is the best feeling in the world. I am a wife, and mom, but most of all I'm KC. I am smart(most of the time), funny(all the time), caring, giving, and most of all I am HAPPY. I'm happy with my life, with who I've become, and that I've done.
The time has come for me to start doing things for myself, and in turn my family. I need to surround myself with people and things that make me smile. I am tired of feeling like I'm waiting for something, it's useless and just makes me anxious. I want to decorate, I want where we are now to feel like a home not just the place we're at till we buy a house.I want to throw parties. I want friends to invite to said parties. I want a job that challenges me and makes me try. I want to go back to school simply because I enjoy it. The only thing stopping me is ME. Well I'm finally putting an end to that.
Until I find a job I am going to enjoy myself and not stress over it. I will play with my baby, and teach her to use the potty. I will bargain shop and decorate the hell out of our house. I am going to be social in town and meet people, maybe start a play group. I'm going to reach out to old friends and try being friends again. First things first we're going to best buy to look at new laptops cause my old girls is falling apart.
Wish me luck!
Stay tuned!!
The time has come for me to start doing things for myself, and in turn my family. I need to surround myself with people and things that make me smile. I am tired of feeling like I'm waiting for something, it's useless and just makes me anxious. I want to decorate, I want where we are now to feel like a home not just the place we're at till we buy a house.I want to throw parties. I want friends to invite to said parties. I want a job that challenges me and makes me try. I want to go back to school simply because I enjoy it. The only thing stopping me is ME. Well I'm finally putting an end to that.
Until I find a job I am going to enjoy myself and not stress over it. I will play with my baby, and teach her to use the potty. I will bargain shop and decorate the hell out of our house. I am going to be social in town and meet people, maybe start a play group. I'm going to reach out to old friends and try being friends again. First things first we're going to best buy to look at new laptops cause my old girls is falling apart.
Wish me luck!
Stay tuned!!
Monday, August 5, 2013
Everybody and Their Brother
Every one out there (including myself) will tell you how to live every aspect of your life. Every parent will tell you how to raise your kid. Every married person will tell you how to build your marriage. If you're married every "single" friend will tell you what you're missing. If you're single every married friend will quickly tell you how empty your life is.
Well I'm going to do it again but in a good way!
No one knows what your life is like. Best friends may have a good idea, bur no one but you knows your whole story. Therefore only YOU know what's right for you! If you keep your eyes open and have a realistic view you should be alright. Also if you are not mature enough to accept all possible consequences for your actions, chances are you aren't mature enough to make serious decisions in the first place.
There was not a single person in our lives that supported the choices Matt and I have made in our relationship. Every bend in our road was filled with nay-sayers saying some really terrible things at times. I won't go into details cause I'll just get upset but I'm sure you can imagine what people would say to two 22yr olds who got pregnant and married in the first year of their relationship.It caused us a lot of pain but never once made us doubt our decision, all it did was let us see our "family" for who they really were.
If you're not prepared to lose friends and family over your life choices then you're not ready to go through with them.
But, if you know in your heart that it's right for you, then hold your head high and enjoy every night in the bed you've made. If people really love you they will realize they were wrong and come back to you, whether you accept them or not is up to you.
If however your choices were wrong you need to be able to eat that crow and deal with all the "I told ya so"'s.
I hope you all make the right bed for yourselves, and promise to keep my judgments to a minimum.
Stay Tuned
Well I'm going to do it again but in a good way!
No one knows what your life is like. Best friends may have a good idea, bur no one but you knows your whole story. Therefore only YOU know what's right for you! If you keep your eyes open and have a realistic view you should be alright. Also if you are not mature enough to accept all possible consequences for your actions, chances are you aren't mature enough to make serious decisions in the first place.
There was not a single person in our lives that supported the choices Matt and I have made in our relationship. Every bend in our road was filled with nay-sayers saying some really terrible things at times. I won't go into details cause I'll just get upset but I'm sure you can imagine what people would say to two 22yr olds who got pregnant and married in the first year of their relationship.It caused us a lot of pain but never once made us doubt our decision, all it did was let us see our "family" for who they really were.
If you're not prepared to lose friends and family over your life choices then you're not ready to go through with them.
But, if you know in your heart that it's right for you, then hold your head high and enjoy every night in the bed you've made. If people really love you they will realize they were wrong and come back to you, whether you accept them or not is up to you.
If however your choices were wrong you need to be able to eat that crow and deal with all the "I told ya so"'s.
I hope you all make the right bed for yourselves, and promise to keep my judgments to a minimum.
Stay Tuned
Saturday, August 3, 2013
But we loved with a love that was more than love...
Every day I love you more. It's true.
In any worth while relationship, you should actually feel the need for your partner growing every day.
Never take anything for granted, every sub-conscious gesture should be profound.
Those random "I love you"s should melt your heart. Every secret smile or passing graze is meant especially for you and no one else. Cherish it. Your partner wants to love YOU, and you deserve every second of it.
More often than you'd think there are moments of such intense emotion you can barely control yourself. It can be sparked by something random and little, or sweet and planned. But every now and then you'll realize your whole life was leading to THIS moment and you physically couldn't be any happier.
There are moments in our life that I will never forget, the way it felt to say "With all that I am and all I will ever be I take you to be my husband.", or the way he looked down at me as our child was born. There are also every day moments that get me every time. The way he smiles and hugs our daughter after a long day at work. The deep relaxing breath he takes when I reach out to him in his sleep.
Keep the sub-conscious profound, because it is!
Stay Tuned
In any worth while relationship, you should actually feel the need for your partner growing every day.
Never take anything for granted, every sub-conscious gesture should be profound.
Those random "I love you"s should melt your heart. Every secret smile or passing graze is meant especially for you and no one else. Cherish it. Your partner wants to love YOU, and you deserve every second of it.
More often than you'd think there are moments of such intense emotion you can barely control yourself. It can be sparked by something random and little, or sweet and planned. But every now and then you'll realize your whole life was leading to THIS moment and you physically couldn't be any happier.
There are moments in our life that I will never forget, the way it felt to say "With all that I am and all I will ever be I take you to be my husband.", or the way he looked down at me as our child was born. There are also every day moments that get me every time. The way he smiles and hugs our daughter after a long day at work. The deep relaxing breath he takes when I reach out to him in his sleep.
Keep the sub-conscious profound, because it is!
Stay Tuned
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)