Reminiscing

Sitting on my couch alone at 9:00 pm watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. In case you don't already know I am a huge dork and can give you a time line of my life through book publications and movie premiers. When HP-V came out I was a senior in high school. While they were most definitely not the best years of my life, I think given the chance, I would go back and do that whole experience over.

Like most kids I made some really stupid decisions in high school, my shame and regret is the fact that I knew they were the wrong choices and I did it anyway. Most of the time I didn't even WANT to do the idiot things we did or even spent time with the people I was always with. the last few months of my senior year were pretty much terrible, within weeks of graduation I had only 1 friend left and it was one I hadn't wanted from the beginning. At the time being a lone was more petrifying than anything else so I clung to her and continued to make not the best choices.

Now seven years later I gladly tell people I have no friends and am perfectly happy with that fact. I have my husband, and my daughter with hopes of other babies in the future, and I have my pets. For now thats more than enough for me.

Sometimes, like tonight, I can't help but wonder "What if?".

I have "friends" on facebook that I used to be really close to and it seems that they are all still very close, what if I hadn't removed myself from that group? Would I have friends now? There's one "girl" I have known for 20 years, we were really great friends once until I started down my different path. It seems almost a shame to me that I can say I've "known" someone for 20 years but don't actually know a thing about them...

I am truly grateful for the experiences I had, and am vainly proud of the person/wife/mother I have become because of the life I lead. The "what if"s always creep up on me at random moments.

I don't miss the people I had in my life I do miss the feeling of camaraderie. Knowing I could call someone in the middle of the night to tell them every insignificant detail of my day and have them vindicate all my feelings and thoughts. But, having to deal with all of our things on my/our own has done amazing things for my confidence, nerves, and faith.

Now that I've rambled on for an hour (my time), I guess the point to all this is to be grateful for what you have and the life you've lived. It's made you who you are. If you don't like who you are then put on your big kid pants and change things.

Stay Tuned
God Bless

I remember

Do you remember that night we drove in circles and parked in a bad town to watch the steam from the factory stacks exhale in front of the harvest moon, making it look like a reflection in a pond rather than rising through the night sky?

Do you remember what it felt like when we locked eyes for the first time?

What about the first time you told me you love me?

Or the way you made a joke out of our wedding vows?

I remember all of this and so very much more... I remember a million little things along with all the big. The only thing better than all the amazing memories we share is that we have the rest of our lives together to make more!

I must say I think I like all the little things the best. Though nothing will compare to the way you said "I do" or the look on your face tbhe first time you held our daughter, usually the best part of my day is that sleepy smile you have as you kiss me good morning. Or the way your face lights up when the baby screams "Daddy" when you come home at night. It's like in that second all the problems in our world fall away and hugging our baby is the only point of life.

Every day I fall deeper in love with you, you are my soul-mate, and my very best friend. I cannot begin to describe how excited I am to spend the rest of my life you!

Our life will always be an adventure, but we'll always make it through together.

I love you.

Stay Tuned
God Bless